What’s the difference between pigeons and doves? Is there really one? For me, pigeon sounds like the GREY-ISH trash can licking, feces eating things that crowd otherwise beautiful places around the world. Doves on the other hand are the WHITE, trash can licking, feces eating things that crowd otherwise beautiful top hats of magicians.
One way or the other, I can't stand those animals. Not that I particularly like any animal, in fact, I don't ... except for dolphins maybe, at least they look clean and they can headbutt sharks.
Let me talk about those 'rats of the sky' a little more - Seriously, does anyone need them? Aren't they basically natural selections answer to Popsicle sticks minus an actual purpose? Cause they just don't have no goddamn purpose. Neither do rats btw. All they do is spread disease and ruin monuments.
Merely seeing those wing rats makes me wanna kick them right in front of the auto bus and then when you DARE to fuckin eat a pretzel they AAAAAALL come flying in begging for some crumbs giving you that stupid retarded 'can I have some' tilted head look. If I wasn't such a peaceful individual I would've fed them enriched uranium covered in bagel dough already. Sometimes you don't even wanna feed them but a crumb just happens to fall on the street and within seconds you've got a fuckin avian ambush on your hands, the sky darkens, birds stop singing and a city supply like shitload of motherfucking pigeons circles over your head eying the piece of lettuce that already started to decompose.
And even when you try and ignore them (works with dogs for me btw.) and you just walk by em not even giving em a courtesy nod, they still flinch like a fuckin nuclear bomb just went off. Speaking of nuclear bombs ... I know they say only cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust, but I’m pretty goddamn sure pigeons and rats would survive too and are then being auto promoted to new primal species. I can see the news in front of me: New ruler species - Doverats.
I'm gonna do everything in my power to stop that worst case scenario from happening and as long as there's one inch (or ounce) of life left in me, by GOD I'll fight them and try to blow em off the face of the earth with the fury of gods own thunder.
Got a little carried away there for a second...
Anyways, it’s not that I just complain, I actually have solutions (I would’ve said final solution, but being German and all I’m a little hesitant with that kind of talk) here's my suggestion ... and that shit’s gonna spread like an effin wildfire if I'm not completely psycho: Remember when old people say things like: 'Today’s youth does nothing but bum around'? I mean we've all heard it and to tell you the truth, this guy right here is with the dental prostheses brigade on that one - not a big fan of today’s youth either, anyways, the grannies just aren't completely wrong, let's settle on that.
Now what if ... and stay with me here ... what if we give all those bums an incentive to do smth. for the community at large? And that’s were it takes a genius like me to make the connection -
I say: free BB guns!
Why doesn’t every federal government, state senate or municipality or whateeeeeeever entity is responsible when the law eventually passes hand out free BB guns to young kids and pay em like ... 10 Cents for every dead pigeon?
Pretty goddamn impressive idea right?
Fughettabout ‘Counter Strike’ – ‘Pigeon Hunt’ could have internet rankings and like award bonus points for headshots and deduct points for shooting one legged ones (C'mon, we've all seen em).
This will
A: keep kids from shooting up crack and chain swallowing heroin balloons
B: keep our streets clean from pigeons and once we amend the bill, rats, and
C: give all countries, all races and religions of the world one common goal and purpose ... finally, we all could come together and … like … dance.
I know it’s a far fetch and I’m not sure the world is ready for it just yet ... but can we afford not to try?
Can we?
I say nay …
One way or the other, I can't stand those animals. Not that I particularly like any animal, in fact, I don't ... except for dolphins maybe, at least they look clean and they can headbutt sharks.
Let me talk about those 'rats of the sky' a little more - Seriously, does anyone need them? Aren't they basically natural selections answer to Popsicle sticks minus an actual purpose? Cause they just don't have no goddamn purpose. Neither do rats btw. All they do is spread disease and ruin monuments.
Merely seeing those wing rats makes me wanna kick them right in front of the auto bus and then when you DARE to fuckin eat a pretzel they AAAAAALL come flying in begging for some crumbs giving you that stupid retarded 'can I have some' tilted head look. If I wasn't such a peaceful individual I would've fed them enriched uranium covered in bagel dough already. Sometimes you don't even wanna feed them but a crumb just happens to fall on the street and within seconds you've got a fuckin avian ambush on your hands, the sky darkens, birds stop singing and a city supply like shitload of motherfucking pigeons circles over your head eying the piece of lettuce that already started to decompose.
And even when you try and ignore them (works with dogs for me btw.) and you just walk by em not even giving em a courtesy nod, they still flinch like a fuckin nuclear bomb just went off. Speaking of nuclear bombs ... I know they say only cockroaches would survive a nuclear holocaust, but I’m pretty goddamn sure pigeons and rats would survive too and are then being auto promoted to new primal species. I can see the news in front of me: New ruler species - Doverats.
I'm gonna do everything in my power to stop that worst case scenario from happening and as long as there's one inch (or ounce) of life left in me, by GOD I'll fight them and try to blow em off the face of the earth with the fury of gods own thunder.
Got a little carried away there for a second...
Anyways, it’s not that I just complain, I actually have solutions (I would’ve said final solution, but being German and all I’m a little hesitant with that kind of talk) here's my suggestion ... and that shit’s gonna spread like an effin wildfire if I'm not completely psycho: Remember when old people say things like: 'Today’s youth does nothing but bum around'? I mean we've all heard it and to tell you the truth, this guy right here is with the dental prostheses brigade on that one - not a big fan of today’s youth either, anyways, the grannies just aren't completely wrong, let's settle on that.
Now what if ... and stay with me here ... what if we give all those bums an incentive to do smth. for the community at large? And that’s were it takes a genius like me to make the connection -
I say: free BB guns!
Why doesn’t every federal government, state senate or municipality or whateeeeeeever entity is responsible when the law eventually passes hand out free BB guns to young kids and pay em like ... 10 Cents for every dead pigeon?
Pretty goddamn impressive idea right?
Fughettabout ‘Counter Strike’ – ‘Pigeon Hunt’ could have internet rankings and like award bonus points for headshots and deduct points for shooting one legged ones (C'mon, we've all seen em).
This will
A: keep kids from shooting up crack and chain swallowing heroin balloons
B: keep our streets clean from pigeons and once we amend the bill, rats, and
C: give all countries, all races and religions of the world one common goal and purpose ... finally, we all could come together and … like … dance.
I know it’s a far fetch and I’m not sure the world is ready for it just yet ... but can we afford not to try?
Can we?
I say nay …
