I am the next level in male evolution

Right now I’m sitting on a train from Munich to Frankfurt watching Transformers. I’m pretty excited cause I found out German high tech train “ICE” has power outlets for my laptop which means FUCK YOU battery pack bitch.

Transformers by the way is pretty friggin awesome. They don’t make movies like that anymore. Nowadays it’s all about dragons or ... hobits (enough with the hobits!!!!) and lesbians raping their dogs before changing genders and everybody speaks British English and pretends to be sophisticated. Which is why I didn’t care for the blonde girl on Transformers too much. The way that woman talked made me throw up in my mouth a couple of times. How about we just agree to agree that British English is disgusting. I’m not saying we should set up a worldwide law prohibiting and punishing it (altho, I’m not saying we couldn’t do that either) but we should at least try to contain it and keep it da fuck out of action movies. Keep french people away from those too while we’re at it.

Of course, the language and accent wouldn’t have kept me from having sex with the girl. And here’s the thing too ladies ... what’s the deal with some of you and your eyebrows? Do you actually think shaving em off and painting em back on makes us horni(er)? Let me put it this way: NO.

We didn’t even notice women had eyebrows until some of you started doing that shit and you have NEVER, and will NEVER hear the words: “Listen honey, you are so hot I wanna hammer you right here right now in front of all those strangers till sundown IF IT WASNT FOR YOUR EYEBROWS, they pretty much gross me out. Good Day”

Again: this will NEVER HAPPEN, HAS NEVER happened and should it ever happen I’m gonna change genders and hang myself afterwards.

Back to the movie and it’s awesomeness, especially when it comes to reality – for me, the underneath tag line of Transformers was not about robots or aliens or how secretive governments are but about one thing and one thing only: Yes, Michael Bay - It would take a fucking alien robot invasion to change stupid whores from doing the “I think you’re cute and funny and nice, but now I'm gonna go blow my boyfriend the quarterback” scheme.

Really? You’re unhappy with your relationship? You think you arent being treated right? Well, how about next time you get over your disgusting shallowness and pick your bf based on at least 20 percent character and how he treats you instead of how much he can bench press and what car he drives? I’m just spit balling here, but it sounds pretty goddamn reasonable, now doesn’t it? (btw. ladies, I benchpress a fuckin lot and drive a Jeep but ... whatever yknow)

But we all know what’s gonna happen. You’ll cry and moan and ask yourself why men are assholes, and then you’ll go to a bar and instead of having a drink with the nice waiter when he gets off work, you’ll jump right on top of the dick of the attending jock – and you know what – that’s cool, that’s so cool with me. But bitch please, please spare us the drama and the tears and the ‘I wonder what I’m doing wrong’. YOU KNOW what you’re doing wrong, I KNOW what you’re doing wrong, even the dipshit quarterback knows what you’re doing wrong.

So here’s what’s gonna happen eventually … and I know this, cause I’m the next damn level in male evolution:

At some point, men just won’t be interested in you bimbos anymore. Are you scared Amber sweetie? You should be. Cause although women THINK they are way more about inner beauty, in reality, men are (once again) gonna be the ones that pick up the ball and run with it instead of just talking about shit.

Yea. It’ll happen whores. One day, in the near future, men will pick their partners only based on character. Sure, looks are always gonna be important, and I sure as hell wont date people like this, but overall, the male race (yes, I said race) is gonna set the standards and moral highgrounds - yet again.

The End

I hate you

And I know, hate is a strong word, so I'm gonna take that back and say: I get fuckin annoyed with you and back in 1934 when Alexander Graham Bell first invented the internet, he probably had no idea what legion of assholes he was about to unleash. Now, might some of you say I'm an asshole, too? Sure. Does that bother me? No. Why? because people who think I'm an asshole, are the ones I'm dedicating this post to.

You gotta understand one thing guys - the internet has no rules. There's no such thing as netiquette - it's a friggin gay word anyway. When you are on the internet, on a forum or message board, in a chatroom or a community there's one person making the rules, and that's fucking me. The reason? Cause I can. I can do what I want, the way I want how often I want when I want. So next time I'm on one of your nerd message boards asking for help on lets say, how to get rid of a virus, don't fuckin answer with 'Use the search function' or 'why havent you been more careful?' or 'we already discussed this' - just answer my goddamn question or shut da fuck up. I'm more interested in watching a baby spider sleep for 13 hrs than I'm interested in whether or not you fuckin freakshows discussed that topic 300 years ago. So don't bother answering or move on without giving me lectures. Just becuase you have time to roam message boards for information 20 hrs a day, doesn't mean everyone does. So if you're so fuckin smart, just fuckin answer my question. Why would I even consider using the search function when asking in a new topic is WAY more easier for me? For the love of god, take the gamecontroller out of your ass and go adjust your 3 inch thick glasses with your index finger, cause I just want the fuckin information I came on this fuckin message board for in the first place. I will never come back here again, I wont have 49732 posts and advance to superuser or whatever rankings your shithole of forum awards. There are bigger and more important things in life ... like peanut butter or steroids.

Also, don't you give me an attitude cause my question is to easy for you. You walkin piece of fuckin flanel shirt wouldn't even dare to talk back to me in real life cause you'd be too busy praying I don't rip off your arms and staple em to your fuckin forehead after you sold me overpriced memory sticks.

Do you know my favorite operating system? It's fuckin WINDOWS XP - not Linux, Maclux, or watever da fuck other luxes are out there, it's Win to the dows XP. Again - I don't want to have to major in computer science before I'm able to watch porn on my laptop, so I use the friggin best OS out there - WINDOWS XP. For future reference, spare me the funny 'micro$oft' spellings and all those other major inside jokes you got goin that are all supposed to document how friggin smart and educated you are. I don't care, I just want my porn and my emails, can't your macintosh infested brain accept that? It better cause I'm about to come to your house, I mean, your moms house, go to the basement and drag you out into the fuckin sunlight for 2 minutes so your mom can treat your sun burn with baby powder later when you're watching Family Guy reruns.

Windows is a great invention and Dos is for gay people. The Internet Explorer is way better than fuckin Firefox or any other useless tool invented and used by people jealous that one of their own actually gets a girl every third or forth Microsoft Board Meeting afterparty.

By the way and I'm explicitly excluding girls doin it from my attack cause it might prevent me from having sex with them in the future ... whats with the fuckin ^^ and ~ and ^^^ or using zeros insted of os and fuckin threes instead of es. Why da fuck do you think god gave us letters and numbers? Why? So you fuckin mix em thinking thats the nerd way of being cool and accepted? In reality you just dig yourself deeper into a hole at whichs bottom is nothing, especially no vaginas.

Let me ask you something nerd patrol. You think it's really that funny to program trojan horses and viruses and then say it's just to prove a point of how volunerable software can be? Buddy, here's a crazy thought, and please, discuss this when playing warcraft with your friends next time, ... if something is fair game just because its not secure, how about next time I see one of you guys at Wal-Mart buying 200 galons of pepsi for your weekend LAN party, how about I just step in front of you, grab the nearest philips head screwdriver and put it through one of your goddamn 10 inch wide shoulders? I mean, after all, there clearly was a security whole in your clothing? Shouldn't you (or you mom) have considered that when you (or she) layed out your clothes that morning? I guess she should have, cause now your bleeding, and Ramon from maintenance is laughing.

And the last thing I wanna say is this ... I love colorful websites, with a lot of pictures and no compression AT ALL, no CSS and any website without at least 4 frames and inline frames sucks ass. I know YOU think websites are only really good when they look like crap, programmed by a nerd freakshow in his attic with the windows editor only. You know what, fuck you, I use Frontpage and its fuckin awesome and I'm atually making money from it instead of just getting street cred (or in that case, basement cred) from some made up torrent release goup that looks for 10mbit seeders.

While we're at the topic of file sharing ... you know what I love to do? Download smth and then not upload at all. Yea, I've been doin it for years now and nobody can stop me cause every time you delete my fuckin account or ban me, I'll just open a new one - the magic of not having a static IP you toe nail eating bitch. I hate to seed, you know why? Cause it's for gay people and for losers. I use the internet for ME not for other people, I'm not running a charity over here and I'm not planing on doin it in the future. I get on the internet, take what I want and leave, without fuckin SHARING or SUPPORTING anyfuckinbody. This brings me back to my initial thought ... why am I doing it? Because I fuckin can, and you can't do shit about it.

Lose the tude midget!

I'm the last person to judge and categorize people just by the way god made them look. In fact, even the commonly used 1 to 10 rating system for a persons look is working for me just fine and I don't care if I'm with a 1 or a 10 - those shallow things don't count.

BUT then there are people that don't even make it into that rating system, not because they're too pretty, that doesn't happen, no, I'm talking people that god clearly played a prank on, maybe punished them for being Hitler or that guy that played the Penguin on the 60s Batman series in their past lifes. You instantly notice those people when you see em. They don't appaear in packs cause there aren't too many of em out there and sometimes you just accidently look at them or you have to look at them for job reasons or whatever.

And even in this case I say: let em live, just let em live, it's prolly nothing they could've done about it, so just treat em with respect and like you didn't notice the obvious.

The story could end right here, with a happy end for us and them but no ... amongst those there are people that have a huuuuuuuge attitude goin alongside their uglyness and that my friends, I cannot tolerate. When someone gives you lemons, in this case, really bad lemons, you've gotta at least try and make lemonade but when you don't and on top of that you cop an attitude like you're a fuckin Perfect 10, all bets are off. There's a reason people say 'you act like a Perfect 10' - it's because when you are a Perfect 10, you CAN act like a Perfect 10, cause you're a fuckin Perfect 10 and everyone is gonna be fuckin nice to you cause they live in a dream world where 'being nice' + 'to someone who is hot' equals 'sex'. Simple as that.

Ugly people, you just can't afford that, tough noogies, but that's how it is.

On a somewhat different level (literally and figuratively) the same goes for midgets or differently heighted persons or whatever da fuck you have to call em these days - You can't act up with a guy that's 6'4 and over 300 pounds. He's just gonna put you on a hanger and close the goddamn wardrobe.

Now, you might see all of this completely different and have the opinion that god just sometimes is in a hurry wraping his gifts, like we all are from time to time, and that's cool with me, I won't take that opinion away from you, still ... when you look at someone and can't convince yourself after weeks that the person is at least somewhat adorable, not even in a National Geographic kinda way, stop trying ... you're not a bad person.